The girl's weekend to Vegas is almost over. It was a great time, but I couldn't hang with these 20- and 30-somethings. As I sat in a club at 5am this morning I began to reflect on my life and where it has come from and where it is going to. Back in my 20s and 30s it was no thing to hang out to all hours and get up the next day like it was nothing. Then came along Fibromyalgia and my world has changed.
Fibromyaglia forever changes your life. My disease seriously waxes and wains. One day I would be great, like a "normal" person, then the next I'm using my cane and popping pills to get through the day. I always get the "but you don't look sick" quote. Yes, I don't physically look sick, but inside I'm literally dying. I can be sitting in front of you, smiling and joking, but inside every muscle, trigger point and joint is screaming, "take some pain meds, take them NOW!"
One of my many therapist told me, "Toni this is your new normal, you can't do what you use to do, this is your new normal, get use to it". As a Fibromyaglia patient you mostly suck up the pain as much as you can until you can get into the comfort of your own home and just release.
As I sat in the club I've realized I must take care of me and only me right now in this time in my life. If my friends don't understand then they are not true friends. My life is a difficult one and changes with the wind, so I might not always be there as a friend because I must deal with my medical issues. So please, if you know someone with a chronic illness give them a break because you don't know their struggles or have walked in their shoes......
Down2earthlupie
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Hi, Toni. I can appreciate your perspective and point of view. It is true that not everyone will understand you and what you are going through. Just know that there is a support system and it will change as your life changes. We all do need some time to reflect on our lives, even at 5am in Las Vegas! Thank you for sharing more about your life, knowing that you will bring inspiration to others.
ReplyDeleteJeff
Jeff,
ReplyDeleteThanks. I truly believe people come into your life for a season, reason or a life time and right now I've been gaining a lot of "life time friends" both military and civilians.
Toni
Toni -- your post helped me refelect on my Mom who is having some back pain this morning and reminds me that we need to be aware of when others are in pain and not expect that they are up to par automatically. Thanks for sharing. And I wouldn't want to be out at 5 a.m. either ... too old for that and it take me too long to recover the next few days!
ReplyDeleteI truly know how your mom feels. That morning when we went to the Studio 54 I was feeling great, but by 5am I could hardly walk the strip. When I was standing at a stop light one would think "what an athletic, young looking women, then see me walk. It's a hole new ball game. I keep a folding cane in the car because I don't know when it will hit me. So I got to be prepared.
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